It’s A Wonderful Line
If you’re clever and witty and always know what to say regardless of the situation, maybe you should write a book.
Maybe we can all learn from you.
Then again …
If somebody claimed to be clever and witty and always knew what to say regardless of the situation, I’d be inclined to hijack a Groucho Marx line and tell them, “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.’’
We’d all like to be endowed with great wit and Seinfeldesque timing, but let’s face it. Many of us often are at a loss when it comes to saying just the right thing.
Tell me this hasn’t happened to you: Somebody says something that’s just begging for a snappy comeback, but all you can do is stare back at them. Your mind is doing wind sprints, searching every corridor of your gray matter, but you come up empty. Eventually, given time, you might think of the perfect line. As Humphrey Bogart said in Casablanca, “Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon.’’
Unfortunately, soon isn’t soon enough. At that particular moment, when you need it most, you’ve got nothing bright and clever to say. As Scott Evil said to his father, Dr. Evil, in Austin Powers, “You’re an idiot.’’ Or, maybe you just feel like one.
How do you correct that? You want to know, right? Or, as Storch asked in Animal House, “What are we supposed to do, you moron?’’
Well, you’re supposed to find a way. You’re supposed to find the right words. It’s not that complicated.
Just think about what Dorothy said to the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz: “What would you do if you had a brain?’’
Now think about this: If you had a brain, you’d realize how fortunate you are to have a blog such as this one that can help.
And, afterward, you may be in the mood to parrot what Bill Murray said in What About Bob, ““I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful.”
Of course, there’s always the chance you’ll react to the blog the way Clark Gable did at the end of Gone With the Wind. You may just say, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.’’
And you know what I’d say …
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.’’
Hopefully, you don’t find this ridiculous, too: I have been working on a book called, “It’s A Wonderful Line.”
And the plan is to occasionally share on this blog some real-life situations where movie lines could come in handy.
Starting with these …
Never know what to say when someone compliments you on what you’re wearing? Just go with what Gloria Grahame said when James Stewart told her in “It’s A Wonderful Life’’ that she really looked great in that dress she had on:
“This old thing? I only wear this when I don’t care how I look.’’
Want to let the boss know to back off and let you do your job? Just repeat what Harold Lloyd said in “The Sin of Harold Diddlebock” …
“A man works all his life in a glass factory, one day he feels like picking up a hammer.’’
How about if you want to stay on the good side of your boss? Or your teacher? Or your spouse? Or your boyfriend or girlfriend? Or anyone else you want to stay on the good side of? Just repeat this line from “Princess Bride” when they ask you to do something …
“As you wish.’’
Posted Feb. 12, 2015