Help me with something. If you argue people should get an ID to show it when they vote, you are an evil-doer trying to disenfranchise them. Yet … Everyone has to sign up for Obamacare or face a fine. There are no accusations of evil-doing linked to being forced to sign up for Obamacare. No […]
Today is Sunday, which means tomorrow is Monday, which is President’s Day. Enjoy the day off, those of you who have the day off. Some of us have to work on President’s Day. All of us with jobs will be at work Tuesday, which brings me to this: Movie lines that can be applied to […]
I don’t know much about “Fifty Shades of Grey” other than I hear it makes women goofy in the head and gooey in another part of their anatomy. I checked it out on Wikipedia, my source for all things that hold little interest. According to the Wikiphiles, it was an erotic novel and now it’s […]
If you’re clever and witty and always know what to say regardless of the situation, maybe you should write a book. Maybe we can all learn from you. Then again … If somebody claimed to be clever and witty and always knew what to say regardless of the situation, I’d be inclined to hijack a […]
Brian Williams should write a book. He has the time. NBC has suspended the highly-rated news anchor without pay for six months for fibbing about being in a helicopter in Iraq that was hit by enemy fire. Part of that story is true. A helicopter was hit. Williams just wasn’t in it. He said he […]
Excerpt from a Facebook post by my wife, Mary: There was a smashed broom in the middle of the intersection at HWY 55 and County Road 33. ME: Uh Oh … Somebody hit a witch.” The kids, without questioning it or missing a beat … SIENNA (age 5): She didn’t look both ways. GRUMPY SHANE […]
My two favorite movies are “Casablanca” and “It’s A Wonderful Life.” “Casablanca” is loaded with great dialogue, like this exchange between Humphrey Bogart’s character and Peter Lorre’s … Lorre: “You despise me, don’t you?” Bogie: “If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” Verbal exchanges like that are why it shares my top spot. […]
My favorite college class was called “Dress For Success.” I learned how to make a Windsor knot. And got four credits for it. There’s no moral here, other than advising students who can’t tie a necktie to see if their college offers a class called “Dress For Success.”
I didn’t write this. My 13-year-old son, Spencer, did. According to him, here’s how to kill a chicken, then eat it: Grab neck. Swing as if you are having a seizure at a dance party. Pluck. Cook. Eat.
I have been a professional writer since I was a freshman in college. All you have to do to call yourself a professional writer is to be paid for something you’ve written. I got a job at a turd weekly in Manahawkin, New Jersey, just a few weeks into my freshman year at Stockton State […]
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