If you’re clever and witty and always know what to say regardless of the situation, maybe you should write a book. Maybe we can all learn from you. Then again … If somebody claimed to be clever and witty and always knew what to say regardless of the situation, I’d be inclined to hijack a […]
Brian Williams should write a book. He has the time. NBC has suspended the highly-rated news anchor without pay for six months for fibbing about being in a helicopter in Iraq that was hit by enemy fire. Part of that story is true. A helicopter was hit. Williams just wasn’t in it. He said he […]
Excerpt from a Facebook post by my wife, Mary: There was a smashed broom in the middle of the intersection at HWY 55 and County Road 33. ME: Uh Oh … Somebody hit a witch.” The kids, without questioning it or missing a beat … SIENNA (age 5): She didn’t look both ways. GRUMPY SHANE […]
My two favorite movies are “Casablanca” and “It’s A Wonderful Life.” “Casablanca” is loaded with great dialogue, like this exchange between Humphrey Bogart’s character and Peter Lorre’s … Lorre: “You despise me, don’t you?” Bogie: “If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” Verbal exchanges like that are why it shares my top spot. […]
My favorite college class was called “Dress For Success.” I learned how to make a Windsor knot. And got four credits for it. There’s no moral here, other than advising students who can’t tie a necktie to see if their college offers a class called “Dress For Success.”
I didn’t write this. My 13-year-old son, Spencer, did. According to him, here’s how to kill a chicken, then eat it: Grab neck. Swing as if you are having a seizure at a dance party. Pluck. Cook. Eat.
I have been a professional writer since I was a freshman in college. All you have to do to call yourself a professional writer is to be paid for something you’ve written. I got a job at a turd weekly in Manahawkin, New Jersey, just a few weeks into my freshman year at Stockton State […]
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