Our friend Jennifer is a quadriplegic who, this past weekend, participated in her first horse show since before her life-altering ski accident about three decades ago. She did wonderfully. She had a cart specially built to accommodate her wheelchair. And she has a great little mare to drive, and does an impressive job with her. […]
Back in Jersey, where I grew up, March 1 was the start of spring sports. I ran track. Actually, for the most part, I ran away from the running part and threw things, like a shot put and discus. Anyway, every March 1 we would be outside for track practice. In shorts. And a T-shirt. […]
Help me with something. If you argue people should get an ID to show it when they vote, you are an evil-doer trying to disenfranchise them. Yet … Everyone has to sign up for Obamacare or face a fine. There are no accusations of evil-doing linked to being forced to sign up for Obamacare. No […]
I don’t know much about “Fifty Shades of Grey” other than I hear it makes women goofy in the head and gooey in another part of their anatomy. I checked it out on Wikipedia, my source for all things that hold little interest. According to the Wikiphiles, it was an erotic novel and now it’s […]
If you’re clever and witty and always know what to say regardless of the situation, maybe you should write a book. Maybe we can all learn from you. Then again … If somebody claimed to be clever and witty and always knew what to say regardless of the situation, I’d be inclined to hijack a […]
Excerpt from a Facebook post by my wife, Mary: There was a smashed broom in the middle of the intersection at HWY 55 and County Road 33. ME: Uh Oh … Somebody hit a witch.” The kids, without questioning it or missing a beat … SIENNA (age 5): She didn’t look both ways. GRUMPY SHANE […]
My two favorite movies are “Casablanca” and “It’s A Wonderful Life.” “Casablanca” is loaded with great dialogue, like this exchange between Humphrey Bogart’s character and Peter Lorre’s … Lorre: “You despise me, don’t you?” Bogie: “If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” Verbal exchanges like that are why it shares my top spot. […]
My favorite college class was called “Dress For Success.” I learned how to make a Windsor knot. And got four credits for it. There’s no moral here, other than advising students who can’t tie a necktie to see if their college offers a class called “Dress For Success.”
I didn’t write this. My 13-year-old son, Spencer, did. According to him, here’s how to kill a chicken, then eat it: Grab neck. Swing as if you are having a seizure at a dance party. Pluck. Cook. Eat.
I have been a professional writer since I was a freshman in college. All you have to do to call yourself a professional writer is to be paid for something you’ve written. I got a job at a turd weekly in Manahawkin, New Jersey, just a few weeks into my freshman year at Stockton State […]
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